There is truly nothing in the world that can quite describe the feeling that parents feel who wait for a child far away. I know the feeling, the desperation, the loss of infertility, as Matt and I went through that for five years before having our kids. That is a different waiting, a different journey: difficult and painful, desperate and sometimes joyful. There is an overwhelming feeling of a loss of control with infertility, and a resentment, at least for me, at times, that I had to go through that.
Looking back over those years, while I would not wish them on anyone, I see them now as a blessing. God gave Matt and I five years together, five years of struggling, tears, disappointments, hardships. Five years of getting to know each other, getting ready, preparing us...for now! Now that we have been so richly blessed by God with our children, it is easier to see that those years of infertility helped to prepare us, helped to make us see that our plan is not the way, but God's plan is the only way!
Now we wait for Shane. It seems that waiting is a part of our lives, and most of us hate this part. But as we have heard in scripture "All things come to thse who wait." I think when most of us see this we think 'all good things' or 'all the things I want to have'. But I think that the word 'all' is the key. God gives us 'all', maybe not 'all' what we want, but 'all' that He wants us to have. So, in that 'all' is also some pain, disappointment, fear, sadness. And knowing that "All things work to the good", we plod on. And we wait.
The other day, Sophie saw Shane's pictures from his birthday in August. She signed to me "Baby brother waiting...China...scared...crying...where's Mama...where's Baba?" It broke my heart. No one could make that up, no one could exaggerate the look of desperation on her face. She asks me when we are going on the plane to get him. Could someone please tell me how to interpret the words 'international adoption quagmire" to this little one?
The good things we do while we wait is get ready...I am making up some Braille/texture books for Shane to take with us when we go. With Sophie we were able to send her sign language, and we took lots of drawing books, sticker books, etc. By the time we got to see her, she had seen our pictures, seen our names, and we became familiar to her. For Shane, it will be a different story. We will be complete and total strangers to him, and we will be whisking him away from the only family he has known. We will speak a new language, will sound, smell, and feel different from everything he has known. It will be hard for him. Knowing this, we need to be ready. I am hoping to take with us a tape recorder with all the kids telling him stories, reading books to him, talking to him, to get him to hear their voices. Matt and I need to brush up on simple Chinese words to be able to talk with him a little bit. Very challenging...but it helps to plan, helps the time go by.
Hopefully in another month or so, Sophie will be scheduled for her cochlear implant. That will keep us busy as well! Once she gets the implant, she will need to have therapy twice a week. We need to go to AI Dupont of this and the scheduling will be tricky, but we have gotten pretty good at tricky scheduling!
Adding some new pictures...bear with me while I navigate this new site...